there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize