Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
