Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
