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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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