Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
