I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
