Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
