Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
