Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize