Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
MIDGETS
????
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
