if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
