Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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