can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
