you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
There r osticjed everywhere
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
