is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
