Ambien. No doubt about it.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
