I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
