So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Shame - the story of my life.
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