At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
