i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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