There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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