I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
