Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
