The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
