do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
