It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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