My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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