i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
