Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
