The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
