Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you didnt know i had herpes?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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