Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
