His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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