i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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