is your mom at the bar?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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