If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
