By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
