The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
