Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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