help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He shit in the fireplace
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
