you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
