he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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