In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
