I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
