One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
