I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
