Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
