She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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