If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
