I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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