I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
