I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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