I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
