well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize