I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize