I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Randomize
