I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Drake has all the answers
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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