my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
