I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
