we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
