You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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