Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
