Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Your tits are I can't wait for
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
