I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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