Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
