You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
