she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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