Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
