My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
