come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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