peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
