I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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