I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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