Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
