Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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