is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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