You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize