I seem to have left my pride at pride
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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