A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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