I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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