literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
