Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
