youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
