I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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