Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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