And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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