just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
