hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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