Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
