tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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