So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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