hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
